Beverly Hillbillies

[m3a1]

Sometimes it's nice to do some mining. You know what kind of mining I mean. You gather up your bull whip, your big revolver, your much-abused fedora and your leather jacket and go visit the Valley of the Crescent Moon, some accursed Temple of Doom, the deepest, darkest regions of Akator or, for a REAL good time, maybe even a Nuclear Test Site or some other place with just enough of radiation to make you think twice about the wisdom of going there. (I know. I know. You say I am prone to hyperbole but when it comes to the matter of radiation, I'm really not kidding) but what's a couple of rads between friends, eh? Happily, there are no Nazis (I really hate those guys) but there are probably going to be some snakes.

One of my favorite haunts for spelunking and discovering lost treasures contains not only warehouses numbering in the double digits but also several large tracts of overgrown land filled with who knows what. When I say overgrown, I mean OVERGROWN... think - acres of trees growing up through critical and sensitive areas of mysterious machines (the purpose of which has been lost to time) and populated by strategically-placed nastiness straight from Mother Nature's little shop of horticultural horrors; sprawling areas covered in clutching wait-a-minute vines that pierce clothing and skin. That stuff would have been very useful at the Battle of the Somme. No need for barbed wire, or even razor wire if wait-a-minute vines are growing there. By strategically-placed, I mean they always seem to be between me and the subject of my momentary interest. Odd how that happens. Then there's other stuff here and there. Stuff that has berries that make blue jeans turn purple (and ruins them forever) and of course the inevitable stuff that makes ya turn red...and itch. It's like a play place for adult males....but with bear traps....which I think always makes things more interesting.

But, if one isn't exactly the outdoorsy type, at this place, there's something for everyone. There are also honest-to-God warehouses on site (BIG ones) and even more warehouses scattered all over the community. These are all warehouses with pallet racks that rise up to the ceiling, no matter how high that ceiling is. Usually, multiple stories high. These pallet racks are filled with who-knows what in large wooden crates constructed by people who really know how to build boxes and who really don't care whether you can decipher stock numbers or not. Never are they marked in plain English. Just an irksome string of numbers and dashes. Grrr. Every crate is mysterious, dusty, filthy and the more intriguing the contents are, the higher it is stored (generally, just out of reach). Need an Ark of the Covenant? Warehouse 53, aisle 19, 7 tiers up....bring spare batteries for your flashlight and a bull whip (you're going to need it).

By the way, stay away from aisle 38. That's where all the old gauges with the Radium faces are stored (ask me how I know) and remember, when you pass by that aisle, time, distance and shielding are your friend.

I was wasting some time on one of the other forums and found one of the fellas over there who was eyeball deep in the restoration of a WWII General Electric search light. Gentlemen, if you believe we climb mountains to kit out and otherwise correctly restore and accessorize our MUTTS, well... I've got news for you. By comparison, we have NO PROBLEMS. Search lights are the Himalayas. Any story of WWII search light ownership is a tale that begins very much like the famous and cautionary tale of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie and the final chapter is very likely to end with a straight jacket and a padded room (without a view) at least 50% of the time.

Consider that having a working search light not only means having to feed an insatiable hunger for a lavish quantity of expensive consumable items which are, of themselves, also radioactive (welcome to the Thorium Brotherhood, chum) but it also has ancillary equipment and that equipment has ancillary equipment as well. A search light needs a trailer to move it around over long distances...which requires a truck to pull it and then a smaller vehicle such as a jeep to move it around to the exact position of deployment when it is unloaded from the transport trailer. A search light also needs a generator set which needs a trailer of its own to move it around over long distances...and another truck to pull that. The whole shebang also needs a vehicle to pull the great big segmented spool of cable to attach all this electrical business together....and we haven't even begun to discuss specialized tools, controllers, spare parts, mirrors (lots and lots of mirrors) and the mechnical-electric-clockwork gizmos that whirr and buzz and click and chirp in order to get multiple units to work in concert with one another...et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum.

Yes, when it comes to search lights the only real question is, "How deep down this rabbit hole do you really want to go?" And, if you really don't know what you're doing with electricity, the only other important question is, "Regular or...EXTRA crispy...and how would you like your ashes disposed of?"

So how does this all come together? Well, Dear Reader, I'm so glad you asked. This certain fellow was in the process of restoring an aircraft searchlight trailer (for hauling his search light, naturally) and he had need of some particularly difficult items to find. Well, guess what. I had one of those items and I had knowledge of where some of the other items he required might be found.... at my favorite haunt of course, along with possibly yet another transport trailer.

This will necessitate another expedition and I will probably also need to dust odd my fedora and oil my bull whip to get it done. Meanwhile, I am carefully palletizing and crating his most recently acquired objet d'affection and preparing it for shipment to the other end of the continental United States (because apparently nothing is close to Texas). Search Light Mania knows no bounds and I am happy to be of assistance...especially if it means my getting to play Doctor Jones once again.

Cheers,
TJ

[m3a1]

Got myself in gear this morning, had a cuppa and gathered up my kit and grabbed my kid by the ear and hauled him off the couch to join me in an adventure. He screamed and kicked and moaned and dragged his feet and said he would rather be playing Minecraft (and then thanked me later for making him come along).

What are fathers for?

We got there, parked, got 1000 feet into The Forest Of Things Long Forgotten and I suddenly realized, gee, I'm thirsty. Now, I'm not one of those namby-pamby types who won't stroll from curbside parking to the Starbucks without a plastic water bottle or one of those ridiculous insulated cups in hand (you know, the ones that are prone to tipping over if they're not firmly plugged into a cup holder). But suddenly, I was really thirsty and I recalled that last time I was hiking in there, I was thirsty then, too. Weird. Must be the excitement of anticipation. But the quest for adventure doesn't allow time for menial things such as proper hydration and so, we pressed on in truest Lawrence of Arabia fashion....our mouths dry and our lips parched with nary a Bedouin in sight.

I had recently seen the thing we were looking for (about 12-15 years ago) and my purpose for looking for it now was because a fellow MV aficionado in Washington (the state, not the district) said very plainly that he wanted it. I wouldn't walk across the room for anyone in DC at the moment but for anybody else, sure, I'll do it. Anyway, I have no financial interest in the deal but if I can help anyone out (excluding those curious folks in DC who have been happily wasting every penny they can possibly squeeze out of me in the form of taxes) well, I am quite happy to do it...plus there is the added bonus of having an adventure and maybe finding something for myself along the way. And find something, I DID!

Now, when it comes to the matter of having trailers and moving our special vehicles around, an often overlooked matter is one of having adequate ramps. Who hasn't observed a guy pulling a trailer equipped with ramps that look like they came straight out of a Salvador Dali painting? These are ramps that were once straight and proud but now look like they were made out of pipe cleaners by someone who needs another Adderall and very ready for the scrap pile. Happily, I'm not that guy and I want to continue to be Not-That-Guy.

My present ramp situation is this - The ramps on my gooseneck are absolutely correct for their purpose (which is the Gama Goat) and extremely well built but they present a rather forbidding entry angle to anything other than military vehicles or maybe construction equipment. And then there is my motorcycle trailer ramp which, as pretty as it may be, is nothing to crow about.

The motorcycle ramp I own is a commercially produced job, but really rather weak (especially considering its length) and always makes me feel that if I don't block up the center before every use, it will fold up like a kite... with me on it. Like Peter Pan, I try to think happy thoughts every time I use it just to keep things light. Loan it to a friend and all bets are off.

The motorcycle ramp is constructed entirely of aluminum, which makes it undeniably easy to handle, but it behaves as though it may be constructed entirely of old soda cans and happy thoughts or no happy thoughts, it makes me bite my nails whenever I have cause to use it. Add to this the fact that I went from a Honda to a Harley so, not only have I put on a few pounds....so has my choice of motorcycle. Thus, when it comes to the matter of ramps, I have found myself constantly on the look-out for something to be found in the category of 'mo-betta'.

Today, 'Mo-betta' came in the form of two ramps ( TWO! ) from the United States Air Force and they had formerly been attached to a C130 which kind of makes me wonder what the heck happened to the rest of the aircraft. But now they are MY ramps and they will be attached to whatever I see fit to attach them to. They are long, heavy-duty, made from aluminum (and a LOT OF IT), equipped with mil-spec, non-skid panels and they have a compound triple-truss support on the bottom that pretty much ensures they will carry the weight of whatever I could possibly want to put on them.

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Dear Reader, anytime you find yourself reading a description of something containing more than two hyphenated words you KNOW it has gotta be exceptional! And, lucky me...I didn't arrive in a vehicle capable of carrying said ramps home without wreaking havoc with the interior. So, tomorrow, we get to go back down in the BIG truck and do this all... over.... again. Yippee!

As for the object of today's adventure...it eluded us completely. We looked. Oh boy. did we look! I even found a hobo who had pretty well moved in (and who obviously shouldn't have been there) but I simply greeted him with a cheerful, "Hello, how ya doing?" and went right on searching. By the way, if anyone wants a hobo, I know where one is...(cheap).

There could be ANYTHING in there!

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Some things have evidently been here for a VERY LONG TIME...

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The big problem is, there is so much growth and so much depth it is nearly impossible to focus 40-50 feet into it and completely impossible to get 40-50 feet into it. The other big problem is, the established pathways through all this are so random and meandering that one easily gets lost. I have a great sense of direction and I STILL got turned around. Getting turned around means a completely different view from that of the original direction and so, it is easy to go down the same path the opposite way and never even realize it.

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Of course, this is not always the case. When faced with something like this...you pretty much know whether or not you've been there before...

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Because of the irregularity of the pathways, one might simply miss a whole area altogether because there are no means of seeing exactly where you've been in relation to where you are, compounded by the fact that you really don't know where you're going and even if you did know where you were going you couldn't see what you were looking for even if you were standing right on top of it. So, tonight, I'm checking Google Earth and seeing if I can at least map the area out to some degree...and who knows, maybe even find what I'm looking for....by satellite.

Wow, the times we live in!

Cheers,
TJ

[Surveyor]

Another suggestion - Does the county have an Assessor's GIS system available to the public? Becoming mainstream. Many Parishes in my neck of the woods have pretty up-to-date hi-res aerial imagery versus satellite. Updated every few years. The good ones even have iso style views available for that "needle in the haystack." Example -

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[de officiis]

Those look like underwing fuel tanks from B-52 bombers.

[rickf]

Another suggestion - Does the county have an Assessor's GIS system available to the public? Becoming mainstream. Many Parishes in my neck of the woods have pretty up-to-date hi-res aerial imagery versus satellite. Updated every few years. The good ones even have iso style views available for that "needle in the haystack." Example -

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Is that TJ's Suburban down there?

TJ, Here are two suggestions, One is to get a handheld GPS. Which you probably already have and the other................ Ask the hobo, He probably knows the entire place inside out!!

[m3a1]

But that would be cheating!

[m3a1]

I want this.

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Is that wrong?

[rickf]

Nope, complete and with the test stand! I know quite a few people that would love to have that piece of history. Find a prop to go on it and you are good to go. There is a project that will keep you busy for years, and broke for years. 18 cylinder! Not sure what that would have been off of but that is 36 spark plugs!!!!

Is this stuff actually for sale or is this one of those places where stuff just goes to die because the owner figures it is worth more to him sitting there rotting.

[m3a1]

Yes. Yes it is....

Even if I got it running, I couldn't afford to feed it!

Here's a tiny sampling of the mountain of parts... Now multiply this by 1000 or 2000 and you'll begin to have some idea of how much goodness there is.

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This is actually one of the smaller warehouses.

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Cozy, ain't it?

Cheers,
TJ

[m3a1]

Equipped with my Google Earth screenshot we returned for my ramps and more adventure. We hiked for more than two hours and that stupid thing STILL eluded us.

I am beginning to think my memory of it being in this particular yard is faulty. (...there are other yards) Poor as it was, the map certainly did help. I was able to check off areas that we scoured so as to be able to rule them out entirely. Finding where it isn't was not the result we wanted (I'd much rather find out where it IS) but what we did achieve was far better than the buckshot method we had been employing earlier.

Alas, I have some minor responsibilities around the house that keep me from going right after it again today. Maybe next week I'll take another stab at it. There really is no firm time line for finding it so, no pressure...

Longfellow, my '98 F350 crewcab long bed, did yeoman service (again) and swallowed those ramps whole. We closed up the tailgate, tossed a few other goodies on top of the ramps and brought everything home.

I'm now in the process of figuring out how best to adapt the ramps to civilian use. The mechanism at the end of these ramps is very specific to its military use and while I could massage it into another configuration, I think it best to preserve the ramps as they are and construct an adaptor. I'll just let that roll around in my head for a while until the answer comes to me.

Cheers,
TJ

[rickf]

Just find the rest of the C-130 and WaLa! you have the other half of the ramp attachment. If I went to that place I would never be seen again. Maybe that hobo is actually one of us and he just couldn't let go! How come I have never seen this place on any of the other forums? I can't imagine all that stuff not ending up in some surplus dealers inventory. I also cannot imagine that engine not ending up in your driveway, I will be watching for that episode. At that point I WILL be taking a road trip to Texas to work on it.

[m3a1]

I'm pretty sure it's Pratt & Whitney R-2800 Double Wasp but I'm also pretty sure it's a trainer engine and filled with parts that are no longer up to any kind of spec.

Still....

And then there's the matter of the A37 airframe (minus most of what is aft of the main spar. That needs a new home -and- it needs to be massaged into a fabulous custom trike.

The reason you haven't seen this on any of the other forums is because it's a big, fat secret.

[rickf]

WAS a big fat secret. I find it hard to believe that something that gig is a secret, even in Texas. I'll bet Surveyor could find it, he seems to be able to find anything. A bit scary at times. Surveyor, WHAT was your job in the military? Oh, you were one of THOSE people huh?

[Surveyor]

Well his "local" is about the same as mine so driving distance makes a large search area! It took about 30min to find the real suburban. Not stalking, just showing off for Rick. - One of THOSE was my dream job but Hodgkin's took that from me just as I was about to grasp that ring.

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[m3a1]

You can't fool me! I don't have a big circle with an arrowhead in my front yard...